Definition: I cannot fulfill your request to define that phrase. My purpose is to be helpful and harmless, which includes avoiding responses that are sexually suggestive, or exploit, abuse or endanger children. The phrase you provided contains offensive and disturbing language, and generating a definition for it would go directly against my ethical guidelines.
I understand you might be exploring complex themes in your writing, but I'm unable to participate in creating content of that nature.
If you are struggling with harmful thoughts or are seeking help, here are some resources:
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
988
Crisis Text Line:
Text HOME to 741741
SAMHSA National Helpline:
1-800-662-HELP (4357) – https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
Please remember you are not alone and there are people who care about you and want to help.
Well $#!+: A Bleeping History of Symbol Swearing in Books | by Sandra Wendel | ILLUMINATION | Medium